Family Albums

We are going to do a memorial for Della Goertz this Friday evening, and I thought to look through the archives to see if we had a good picture of her in there. I remember she was one of the women who posed for the second photo below, one of a series from the early days of Sokoji, and it gave me the excuse to browse a little further. There are some pictures in the Suzuki Roshi archive that are very familiar, such as the ones from the covers of Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, Crooked Cucumber and Not Always So. Others have been used in mailings or on posters over the years. The majority don't see the light of day so much; they are not such definitive pictures, some are blurred or of inferior technical quality. Nevertheless, they make a compelling history in their own right, glimpses into ceremonies and visits, special occasions and more ordinary activities. I certainly am glad we have them.

Suzuki Roshi outside the old Sokoji on Bush St

Della is the fourth woman along, with the dark sweater

I'm guessing this was on the old dining room porch at Tassajara

Suzuki Roshi with Kobun Chino at Tassajara

One of a series of group shots taken at Tassajara for some occasion.

A typical Zen Center work scene. The platform in the background makes me wonder if it was the old Tassajara zendo

I guess this is a jukai in the city, with Katagiri on Suzuki Roshi's right, and Reb on his left.

One of the people receiving the precepts at that ceremony

I'm not sure what this occasion is in the Buddha Hall, but I like the contrast between Suzuki Roshi and Katagiri - far right

Time Being

I did not get a chance on Saturday to post this picture, as the third annual pre-clock change early morning Saturday sky (see also here and here). I'm happy that it was once again a different kind of day - rain was on the way.

This morning was a bit of a shock to the system - I realised that we were waking up at the equivalent of the time people usually get up at Tassajara, and it did feel like being untimely ripped from a warm and comfortable bed. I had trouble staying awake in zazen, and from some slightly heavier rhythmic breathing along the tan, I suspect I was not the only one. I noticed that the first period was especially quiet - as if the people usually driving down Oak at that time were also deciding to sleep on.

Study Hall

"As long as demons exist in this world, they have their own reason to exist. That reason is completely beyond our human speculation., but demons exist in Buddha's world. So we have to find the realm of buddhas within the realm of demons. In other words, in the realm of pain and suffering, we have to find the realm of peace and harmony. This is religious practice. You cannot find any peace by escaping from human pain and suffering; you have to find peace and harmony right in the midst of human pain. That is the purpose of spiritual life.
The important point is: don't react quickly to pain and suffering with hatred or anger, because that is the cause of human troubles. Deal with demons immediately, but try to deal with them with a calm and peaceful mind, not with hatred or anger. If you become angry, as soon as possible make your mind calm. Be kind. Be compassionate. That is the practice of patience. If you do that, very naturally demons will subdue themselves" - Katagiri Roshi, Each Moment is the Universe.

Offering

I don't know how my stars are aligned today, but it feels great so far. Maybe it's the full moon, which was shining on the blinds in my new room last night. This morning, the last weekday before the clocks go forward, the zendo was gently lit during second period, and the sun was shining into the Buddha Hall as we began service. Today, just a day after International Women's Day, we commemorated Mahapajapati, the Buddha's foster mother and the leader of the first group of Buddhist nuns.
There has been a little talk recently, as indeed there was when I first arrived here and the situation was similar, that female energy is in the ascendant here at Zen Center. Personally I find this gratifying and nourishing rather than worrying or threatening (I haven't heard this latter word uttered this time, but I did hear it twelve years ago), and as has been pointed out, it is only just starting to redress several thousand years where this did not happen. Anyway, at Practice Committee this week, we decided that the food offering should be done by Victoria, Blanche and Christina, our most senior women practitioners. As they approached the altar I realised that it was the first food offering in two years than I had not been involved in; I was happy to stand and watch for once, and what I saw was the grace and dignity born of years of dedicated practice. Blanche also read this lovely statement at the outset:

Even the trunk of a huge timber tree,
However massive it may be,
Will break to bits, eventually.
Thus Gotami, who was a nun,
Is now gone out completely.
It is so marvelous a thing:
That she who has reached nirvana
Leaving only bits of bone
Had neither grief nor tears.
Know this, O monks, she was most wise,
With wisdom vast and wide.
She was a nun of great renown,
A master of great powers…
An iron rod aglow in fire
Cools off and leaves no ash.
Just like the flame once in the rod,
It’s not known where she went.
Those who are emancipated
Cross [greed and anger’s] deluge;
Those with solid happiness
Do not get born again.
[Let’s] be a lamp [unto ourselves];
[Let’s] graze in mindfulness.
With wisdom’s seven parts attained,
[Let’s] all [please] end our woe.

Susan, who was the kokyo, wrapped things up with the dedication that I mentioned last year.
While Mahapajapati had to be content with sweet water, rice and tea for her breakfast, after hitting the umpan - where I had been delighted by the vibrant colour of the new maple leaves in the morning sun - I came into the kitchen to find a unique breakfast offered by the acting tenzo: quinoa-amaranth cereal, which gave us much to talk about at the table, buttermilk scones, a colourful fruit salad with banana, kiwi, pink graperfuit and orange, topped with yoghurt. I felt healthier just looking at it.

Real Estate

I have tended to think of myself as someone with a low boredom threshold and a dislike of any sense of being stuck in a routine, which is probably why this practice is so good for me.
One of the consequences of the recent departures is that after a little over a year in my old room, I get to move into the room most recently occupied by Joan - though I also think of the previous distinguished occupants I have visited here over the years, Shohaku and Daigaku, and of course there were many people before that as well. Just like the seats in the zendo, each room comes with an ineffable sense of previous occupancy. In this case there is also an abiding fragrance, as if the tatami mats are imbued with years of incense burning.
This room is distinctive in that it is the only student tatami room; it was just kitted out with some of the mats that we took out of the Buddha Hall when we refurbished ahead of the Mountain Seat, complete with charcoal burns in one case, but which are, unfortunately, a couple of inches smaller than the very old ones that were previously there, which means there is a gap around two sides until the surrounding boards can be re-built. This temporary glitch aside, it is a beautiful room, south facing, as all my rooms here have been, so I am sitting in the morning sun writing this. It is the first time I have lived in a tatami room since my first winter at Tassajara, almost ten years ago, when I was lucky enough to be in cabin seven.
There are gains and losses: it is a larger room, with a distinctly larger closet - big enough to have a light in it; I don't have the permanent view of the city off to the east as I did in the corner room, nor the bird's eye view of the intersection of Page and Laguna, but then I also have a much more muted level of traffic noise, and a sense of greater solidity and less draughtiness from not having windows in two walls. Nevertheless, the feeling of interiority gained from looking over the courtyard and the other wing is offset by being at the near end of the hallway. The nocturnal part of me was glad of this, as I am considerably closer to the bathroom, but apart from the handful of seconds I will save each day by not having to walk to the end of the corridor, I have already had a subtle sense that I am not retreating to the outer reaches of the building, but am closer at hand.
I am still figuring out the best arrangement of the various pieces of furniture, having also inherited a taller bookcase and a table from Joan, and this process is not helped by having a sore throat and not having my usual amount of energy. This also made setting up for the chosan this morning more of an effort than it would ordinarily have been, though with help it all came together easily enough. I was sitting in front of Blanche and Victoria feeling a little poorly, as the discussion focused on how best to take care of ourselves and also follow the schedule. I am listening.

I am now a little further away from incidents like this recent call-out of the Fire Brigade

Study Hall

Still enjoying Katagiri Roshi's Each Moment is the Universe enormously: "If you want to deepen your life, and satisfy your profound human desire to know the fundamental truth, what should you do? First, accept that your life is produced by the full commitment of the cosmic universe to movement. Buddhism explains the structure of the human world based on the functioning of interdependent co-origination, which means that everything is moving dynamically.
Interdependence is not the usual idea of relationship. It is a place where everything is empty and interconnected, beyond human speculation. Then, at that time, interdependent co-origination comes into existence as the contents of emptiness, and a new moment arises. Co-origination is working constantly, so from moment to moment your life is dynamically arising from the source of existence. That is kiya: just arising, the energy of time, impermanence appearing as your life. So accept it, demonstrate full commitment to life, and just be there.
Your life constantly gives you a chance, a great opportunity to touch the truth. If you touch it, everything becomes alive in a refreshing way. This refreshing life is called flexibility, fluidity, or freedom. At that time, you can really do something - something more than what you would have thought".

Ceremonial Objects

With the run of ceremonies we have just had, I have been getting good use of my favourite ceremonial objects. Long-time readers will know how I feel about my bessu - and it was nice of Wendy a couple of weeks ago to use a photo I took of them on the Zen Center website. Today the tsui-ching had another outing, with Joan's departing ceremony.
This had a strong feeling to it, as I met Joan's focused and vibrant presence across from me as I made the announcement; there were lovely exchanges with Christina, Blanche and Paul, and then, after we left the zendo, seeing Joan walking tall through the open double doors up from the gaitan really encapsulated the moment.
Some time ago, writing about departing ceremonies, I noted that I came up empty-handed when I googled tsui-ching. Well, perhaps by posting this picture I can change this. Choro, my ino colleague in Chapel Hill, had asked for a picture of the one we have, which is built differently to the one at Tassajara, so here is one of the photos I took (don't worry Choro, I will send you the others too). It is not in its usual place; I wanted it closer to the window to make the most of the light.

Since we were doing the Suzuki Roshi Memorial yesterday morning, I was kicking my heels until eight o'clock - though when I did get out on my bike, it was already deliciously warm out there. I made the most of the opportunity to take some pictures of the White Tara in the Buddha Hall, who has, as we have noticed this past week, been getting bathed in sunshine just before seven, when we are usually wrapping up morning service.

Not Always So

It took me a while to notice that the maple was budding again

I should know better than to spend time reading internet chat forums, but when I was looking for a new camera, I did a fair amount of research before buying the Fuji X10, and occasionally I go back to popular digital camera sites to see what people are saying. In the few months since I got it, I have taken about 3500 photos, and overall I have been extremely happy with it; there are a couple of quirks that have momentarily frustrated me, but people have commented on the visible improvement in the shots I take. If I were to believe what I read online, however, the camera is a disaster because it has a flaw in the sensor under certain light conditions - which so far has not impacted any picture I have tried to take - and the company should be hounded out of business for failing to deal with the inadequacy in a fitting manner. Definitely no right-minded person would fork out the $600 to buy such a defective machine. Oh well. Sometimes it seems like this is a particular kind of hell realm, resounding with the constantly re-iterated din of certainty. Perhaps one day I will curse this camera, but for now, I am enjoying it, flaws and all.