Coming and Going

This morning we had a departing student ceremony, our third one in the past month, all of whom have been for people heading to Tassajara - first my predecessor Greg, then Camilla, and now Konin. The ceremony is fairly simple, but also very significant in that it gives a concrete ritual dimension to a transition.
The format of the ceremony is that the ino lights the altar at the end of zazen, then offers incense, the departing student offers incense and does three prostrations behind the bowing mat. Then the ino leads the student in a jundo - a procession around the zendo - where everyone has their heads bowed and their hands in gassho, starting with a bow to the Abbot and ending with a bow to the Senior Dharma Teacher. The ino then goes back around the altar to the tsui ching - a wooden column with an octagonal-shaped block on top. Resting the right hand on the block, the ino moves it three times around the surface of the tsui ching, then lifts it and brings it down with a clunk, which usually causes people who don't know to expect it to jump. There is a form of words, which today went: 'having aroused way-seeking mind, having entered this temple, having practised faithfully, having contributed to the well-being of this temple, this student, Konin Melissa Cardenas, goes to Zenshinji to continue her practice. You go with our heart-felt gratitude and best wishes'. The ino does two more hits on the tsui ching, and the doan hits two bells. Then comes the fun part, when the Abbot asks the departing student a question, usually along the lines of 'who is it that goes?' or 'is there really any coming and going?', to test the student's ability to respond in the moment, and then there is usually an expression of gratitude for the person's practice as well.
At Tassajara when this ceremony happens, the departing student is then the first person to leave the zendo, which is the part I most remember from my first leaving ceremony there about six years ago, because it really brought home to me that I was going, and I started crying on the engawa.
Now, at Tassajara this is called a departing monk ceremony, and when I announced Greg's departing student ceremony the other week he came by me saying 'that's departing monk ceremony', but I beg to differ with him on this one. Being a literal-minded person most of the time, I feel that when you are at the monastery, you are a monk, and when you are at a temple, like City Center, you are not. I remember how hard it was for me when I moved to Tassajara to get my head around the fact that I was a monk. As I wrote recently, we certainly looked like monks, and that was already something, but it was a big leap for me to go from that stage to accepting that that was how I could describe what I was doing with my life.
I should add that, notwithstanding what I have written above, when I think of the strengths of Greg's and Konin's practice, which I would characterise as making themselves available for whatever needs to be done with a minimum of fuss, I think of them as good monks...
On a personal level, today's ceremony reminded me of what was almost my first act as ino, the shuso entering ceremony, which has a similar format, but obviously marks a different transition. I remember being very nervous about the choreography, but I told myself that I was in charge of the ceremony, or at least that portion of it, and that there was no need to hurry, which helped calm me down in that moment. What I remember very clearly about that morning was laying my hand on the tsui ching, and feeling that it had a life of its own, years of stored ceremonial energy.
One of my first entries here describes the feeling around taking on and embodying a role, just like trying to embody being a monk. I think I can say now, with the practice period underway, and a very purposeful energy in the building with all the new residents, and with the training I have started doing with them, that I feel like I really am the ino now. Whatever that means.

By the way, I tried googling 'tsui ching' to see if there was a picture I could link to, but the answer appears to be no.