Thirteen Conversations About One Thing

Living in community, I find that I often have the same conversation with a number of different people. This was something I found very difficult when I first lived here. My tendency is to prefer to say something once and then not repeat myself, and I found it hard to say the same thing over and over, and to try to sound sincere when I did so. I hope I am getting better at this, as what this asks us to do is to pay attention to the person you are speaking with rather than thinking 'I thought everyone would know this by now', or 'I don't want to have this conversation again'.
As my time in the kitchen was coming to a close, a lot of people (I was going to say everyone, but that would be an exaggeration) asked me what I was going to do next. I answered that I didn't know, even when I did, or I thought I did, as it has been my experience at Zen Center, as happened this time, that things are always capable of changing even up until the last minute, and that just because you been given the impression that you are lined up to do one thing, it doesn't follow that that thing is going to happen, and so there is no point assuming it is until you are actually sitting in that seat. As it was, I ended up as ino, which I was, and am very excited about.
Now people ask me how I am doing in my new job, or alternatively, how is being ino compared with being tenzo. The simple answer is that I have fewer deadlines. As tenzo you are responsible for making sure fifty or so people get fed three meals a day, and that all kinds of ancillary things like milk, bread, fruit, jam and tea are available. As ino I definitely have to be in the zendo twice a day, and to make sure that people are there doing the all the zendo jobs that need to be done, and I have a few meetings each week, but otherwise I can find the job quite unstructured. I found I needed to keep 'to do' lists going to remind myself what I have to focus on, and sometime soon I might write an entry detailing all the different things I do in a day, as I occasionally get to dinner time and think, well what did I do today? We had a couple of ceremonies this week, but otherwise things have been quite peaceful, though I am aware that sesshin is around the corner, and that next week will be much busier, and the next couple of weeks after that.
One thing I was very happy to figure out early on as tenzo was that although I was nominally in charge of the kitchen, it didn't necessarily mean that I had any control over what happened. Sometimes key ingredients didn't get delivered. More usually, I would give someone a recipe, talk them through the process, and then find that the finished product wasn't the same as what I had in mind; this wasn't necessarily a bad thing, it just showed that I had particular expectations and that they weren't always going to be met.
Similarly, as ino, especially when it comes to a ceremony, say, I can also set the stage, give everyone their instructions, and try to ensure that all the preparations are made, but that doesn't mean that things go the way they are supposed to or that I expected them to. This is just what happens, and there isn't a lot of good in tearing your hair out about it. We do our best and see what happens.
Beyond that, it's nice not to be smelling of onions all the time...

PS When Liping and I met and bowed to each other in the hallway this morning, she handed me a sweet (sorry, candy - even after ten years I default to English vocabulary). I wonder if she read the last post...

Shuso!

The shuso is usually the first person I see every morning. I wake up early and do a little stretching, and then when I start to hear the wake-up bell downstairs, I know it is time to put on my robes. While I do this, Liping is running up and down the stairs and along the corridors, and when I have finished and leave my room, she has finished that ceremony, and is usually walking up the main staircase as I come down. She is very punctual with her timing, so most days it is exactly five o'clock by the clock on the main stairs when we cross paths and bow. Since this has been going on for a few weeks now, we both smile as we bow - it has become a small ritual between us.
Living in a community like this, there can be many such moments in the day; often there are no words involved, but there is still a sense of support and connection that can help bring a special value to the moment; I get to start each day with the warmth of our smiles lifting me up.
At the end of the month, after sesshin is over, Liping will no longer do the wake-up bell: the fukudo for that day will run it instead, and that ritual will be over, but there will undoubtedly be other things that will take its place. One of the joys of practice for me is getting to notice and appreciate moments such as these when they arise...without getting too attached to them.