Until today,
my seat in the zendo was on “officers row” -- the tan southwest of the altar that’s anchored on one end by our former
Abbess, and filled in with the meditation cushions of the Zen Center
officers. Sitting in the Secretary’s seat,
I faced the wall, and myself, and an old Zen conundrum about whether facing the
wall is facing in or facing out.
But today I
have a new seat, the Ino’s seat, which faces not the wall, but the vast expanse
of the zendo, and the backs of all those people who still get to luxuriate in
wall-facing. I’m now the Ino of
Beginner’s Mind Temple, and I’m feeling very much a beginner as I try to
remember the ten thousand pieces of this job, the ten thousand pieces of my
life that brought me to this seat. Excitement and terror arise at this intimacy of not knowing, at this
incompetence that grips my breath like a too-tight jacket. Yet, there is also the
wonder of the unknown, the shy anticipation of what might be, and the delight of the unexpected way in which, somehow,
it all works.
After
decades of sitting in zendos, I belatedly realized that the purpose of
meditation is not to make any progress nor to get anything done. The purpose of meditation is to come
home. (Zen master Dōgen called
zazen “the full investigation of the
homeward course.”)
And I
wonder: Can we find our way home,
regardless of which way we are facing?
10 comments:
Welcome to the web Ino-sama! May all beings benefit.
What D. said - Welcome! I greatly look forward to practicing with you.
Welcome, dear Val. Lovely to see you take up this amazing position.
Welcome home, Valorie! and thank you for the beautiful post. Is facing the zendo facing in or out?
Hi Valorie, I loved your post! Especially the line: "Excitement and terror arise at this intimacy of not knowing, at this incompetence that grips my breath like a too-tight jacket." -so beautifully written! And thanks for the reminder that this is a time of excitement to treasure, when things are fresh! I'm looking forward to hearing more about what it means to you to come home. Thanks again for your writiing, see you at doorwatch Friday!
~ Sierra
Dear Valorie:
BIG welcome and thanx for a beautiful opening post, too! No matter which way you are facing, you know where home is. Cheers, dawna
Dear Valorie:
BIG welcome and thanx for a beautiful opening post, too! No matter which way you are facing, you know where home is. Cheers, dawna
Valorie, welcome to the role of Ino. Thank you for taking it up with question mind. Bows, Konin
Wonderful to see you here. I know that home will be well taken care of.
Danny
As a one-time furious blogger, I've observed that your immediate predecessor has ably elevated SFZC's online presence in this forum and on social media.
In today's communications landscape, it is an increasingly vital way to provide householders and other interested parties a first-hand account of Soto Zen practice in the heart of one of the world's great cities.
May your time in your new position be of benefit to you, the Page St. sangha, SFZC, and all beings.
Great to see you on your "home turf" the other week!
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