We assessed ourselves as a mostly cohesive and functional team, but there is always room for improvement, and a chunk of the afternoon was given over to each of us offering suggestions, one on one, to the other members of the group, as to how they could be more effective in the team. As Marc anticipated, most of the answers each of us collected revolved around similar themes, and the main theme I received was to express myself emotionally more.
This and the other suggestions were all interesting and to the point, and evoked a certain recognition in me. I think of how Blanche often said during practice period at Tassajara, "Everyone can see how you are, you might as well see it for yourself". This expressiveness is something I have been chewing over in different ways recently. Part of my effort to meet people where they are is to put aside anything that I might be feeling as best I can at that moment, so as to have fewer obstacles in the way. Regardless of how I might feel about the person, or the emotional state I might be bringing into the encounter, I want to be present for them. The more I work at this, and at sitting with emotions, the less power they tend to have. I tend to think though, that even if I do not articulate to others how I am feeling, I am usually fairly transparent in showing my joys and pains. And it was especially interesting to leave the training and be confronted with a situation that brought forward some negative emotions, which I have been having a hard time shaking since then.
Simon, my fellow countryman, retorted, when I told him of the group's suggestions, "Didn't you just tell them that you are English?"
10 comments:
"Part of my effort to meet people where they are is to put aside anything that I might be feeling as best I can at that moment,..."
What is interesting about this to me is how different it is from my efforts. I am trying to actually be completely present with myself, and seeing how that can help me be more present for/with others. I am not sure how it is going, but it has to do with my intention to not turn away from anything.
Anyway... Thank you for this, and thank you for your continued honesty.
Deep Bows
Daigan
Thanks Daigan, that's a nice distinction.
I have felt since I posted this that I ought to clarify that the feedback is somewhat specific to the idea of improving the group dynamic of senior staff, though of course that does not make it any less valid for other aspects of my life...
For me, the concern about expressing my emotions, which means expressing my strong emotions such as anger, is that in doing so I expose myself and feel vulnerable, which I don't like to feel. But as you quote from Blanche, everyone else can see that anyway, so my challenge is to accept in myself what they already know. And in that fuller expression, I think there is an integrity and sincerity, and people seem to trust me more, because I am fully there, with all my imperfections,which then enables me to be more present.
I appreciate your posts very much. And, I am interested to know your thoughts on zen practice when cycling through the intensity of London rush hour traffic - this is my current practice challenge: how to maintain equanimity in the midst of all of that?
Hi Alison, you bring back memories of the eleven years I spent doing that before I moved here...I hope that things are a little easier for cyclists now than they were in my day; my impression is that there are fewer cars and that with more cyclists, there is a little more awareness.
I wrote about this topic at the end of last year: http://theinosblog.blogspot.com/2010/12/fruits-of-practice.html, and to re-iterate, I don't always keep my equanimity by any means. You are always vulnerable as a cyclist, and that will manifest as anger when you feel threatened. The anger comes up quickly, but I try to ensure it diffuses quickly as well. That works sometimes, but as the people who have been riding with me recently will testify, I will be assertive/aggressive when I feel I need to be.
Have fun out there.
Are the English related to Vulcans by any chance?
We are not always so logical.
We are most illogical.
Alison, I have just been reading some London cycling blogs, with the deaths and the Blackfriars flash ride - perhaps things have not advanced as much as I thought...
Shundo, I've been cycling in London for about the last 20 years (startling to realise that is has been so long...) and I don't think it is any better or worse now from when I first started. A plus is that the very long 'bendy buses' that Ken introduced have been withdrawn - they were a real hazard. And the 'Boris bikes' scheme has brought a lot more people on these relatively heavy and slow cycles into the central area and regular drivers (taxis, deliveries, buses) seem to have adapted to more cycles and to give more room and time for them as a result. Other cyclists can now be a hazard - we are not so good in formation as a flock of geese!
I think the main thing is to be really visible - lots of fluro clothing, to pay attention at all times and stay focused on what's happening around me, not an inner dialogue in my head - that's why it is such good practice - and to stay clear of articulated lorries at all times, just let them go on ahead.
Your earlier comment about the anger flares when feeling threatened was spot on and makes it more acceptable to me - as you say, it passes quickly, like wind through a flute, as the taoists says.
Having said all of the above, it is still so much more fun to get around London by bike than by any other form of transport. I cycle through the city to get to work and at this time of year, pass by St Pauls and along Cheapside as the sun rises - what a great way to start the day!
Wonderful - you must be getting to work pretty early then. I commuted for a dozen years in London, and it was always the quickest way to cover the five miles between me and work, and I always felt good for it too.
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