Wednesday, January 25, 2012

More Attitude

Feedback came from several quarters at the end of last week to the effect that I seemed relaxed and spacious, which, under the circumstances, was kind of them to think. As I noted to one of them, though, the effect was mostly due to an external shift - as opposed to the internal kind I was recently musing about, and as we learn all too well as we practise, external circumstances are inherently unreliable and unworthy of confidence, which is what happened in this case, with a concomitant slump in my outlook after the weekend. I have also been waking up unnecessarily early for the past several days, which seemed to make it harder to find joy in the midst of the subsequent tiredness.
Pretty much the only thing I enjoyed on Monday was Young Urban Zen, again glad to be able to cast aside pre-occupation and be present with the thirty-five or so people who filled the room with some uplifting energy. Yesterday, I was delighted to be able to find an online version of Chapter 16 of the Lotus Sutra, which Vicki wants to chant on Wednesdays for noon service; she indulged me in my preference for this version of the verse, being the one I have memorised, over the official Soto Shu translation. I am really looking forward to chanting this out loud.
This morning we had the pleasure of doing morning service in a partly renovated Buddha Hall, as half of the new tatamis were delivered yesterday. They are a strikingly different colour, though eventually they will dry out to the same golden hue, and have a lingering smell of grass, like good green tea. It was probably the most fragrant service we have done for many years. In addition they are firmer underfoot, and it felt nice as well to be the first person to bow on the mat where I was standing. Having celebrated Dogen's birthday yesterday - another joy was to be chanting the Genjo Koan as part of that - we did the well-being service this morning, and as we were chanting the Lovingkindness Meditation, I was thinking of the friends who have been telling me of their own predicaments, most of whom I have not had the space and time to respond to in the last few days, and opening up to them. Settling, settling.

Not hard to see the difference between the new and the old

7 comments:

Mike said...

Hey Shundo -

You sometimes ask for topic or post ideas. I am wondering what words you may have to say about friendship, particularly long-term friendships that are being tested by time, distance, and unspoken expectations. I have been probing my mind concerning this topic and it appears as a single cloud in the sky durning zazen.

Peace.

kelly said...

That's a wonderful question Mike, I second it!

And beautiful photo today. It almost does capture the smell (or someone near me is drinking green tea...)

Shundo said...

Okay, Mike, I am ruminating, and we'll see what comes up over the weekend. Kelly - I can't imagine why you would be interested in this topic now!

Chris Burnham said...

What's to become of the old tatami? You may not recall what happened over a year ago, but I tried to save a tatami from the dumpster when I stayed at CC Nov '10. It was quite comical, trying to fit it in the back of a '92 Subaru and eventually having to cave in to reality.

And really smashing photo; lovely and geometric, yet depicting a very organic and austere subject

Shundo said...

Hi Chris, Nice to hear from you. We are distibuting the old Buddha Hall tatamis around the building, replacing those in the dokusan room and so on. What happens to those older ones is still not determined.
Caving in to reality is always a good idea.

owazsasn said...

It is good to have attitude sometimes. We should not be so hard on ourselves. Better to be spontaneous than trying to control everything.

Shundo said...

This is a nice counterpoint to your other comment. Attitude is also inevitable, and sometimes it will manifest whether we want it to or not. What I was having to be careful with last week was not leaking it everywhere - blaming people for things they hadn't done, or that I would react to more gently if my mood were different. I did not do very well. That's where some scheduled silence can be very helpful...